Cycling Activists Claim Responsibility for ATM Thefts

A group of radical cycling activists has claimed responsibility for the recent spate of ATM thefts across the country, saying they are simply trying to deter drivers from parking in cycle lanes while they “pop in” to use ATMs.

The People’s Cycling Front (PCF) say they will continue to target ATMs until drivers get the message that it’s not ok to block footpaths, disabled parking spots, or cycle lanes - even if they activate their all-powerful hazard lights.

A spokesperson for An Garda Síochána has condemned the actions of the PCF, saying “It’s not acceptable for ordinary citizens to take the law into their own hands - unless, of course, they activate their all-powerful hazard lights. Sure we can’t touch them if they do that!”

Rival advocacy organisation The Cycling People’s Front has also spoken out against the ATM thefts, saying they are a step too far. They will instead write a witty letter to the Irish Times about the ATM parking problem, which they are “75% certain” will get published.

When asked what they will use the money from the ATMs for, The People’s Cycling Front were coy and only replied with the coded message “N+1.”

News Item
Monday, 1 April 2019 (All day)

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